Giant Novelty Fork, Why Do You Exist?

I say, if you're going to review restaurants, better have an oversized novelty utensil to bring along.  Accordingly, I brought this giant fork to the Red Door Pan Asian Grill in South Granville, where on Saturday I enjoyed a generous plate of perfectly-cooked scallops and peapods, a delicious serving of juicy red curry shrimp, and a distinguished helping of Vancouver's signature dish, szechuan green beans.  For those of you currently residing in a dry climate and paying less than $500/sq ft for housing, let me inform you that everywhere in Vancouver serves szechuan green beans, even McDonald's.  (Okay, this is an extrapolation- yet, statistically-speaking, a safe one.  In a logistic regression, with the presence of szechuan green beans across Canada as the dichotomous outcome variable, the odds ratio associated with a restaurant in Vancouver compared to elsewhere in the country would be in the magnitude of ~100, with a 95% confidence interval of 85 to 115. I only go to McDonald's for breakfast, so I'm pressed to make this reasonable assumption regarding its dinner fare).

En tout cas, to review a Vancouver restaurant favourably, at the outset, the place has to do a decent szechuan green bean. And Red Door does; in fact, its SBGs are totally kick-ass, garnished as they are with the perfect amount of savoury pork.  (Well, I thought it was pork.  My companion thought it was garlic, and our dispute has yet to be settled with the requisite amount of physical violence.)  SGB pre-testing completed, the real gastronomical ANTM at our table that night were the scallops, among which I hardly could have chosen the prettiest one; I loved them all equally.  To supplement these, the SGB, and the bountiful, tender panang-ish shrimp (which would have been enough for me), my companion ordered the beef and broccoli, which I think I can report accurately were also well-prepared and flavourful, though all I did was pick out the sauce-drenched veggies (red onions and, I think, gai lan. Definitely not regular broccoli). Our waitress gave an extra-long explanation about how the beef and broccoli ended up on the menu (it used to be on the kids' menu, then the waitresses started ordering it and omg it was so good!) yet I was happy to listen, as I was, at the time, deeply self-actualized by a 9 oz. glass of 2007 E Minor Shiraz.

Although it posed a serious threat to my gastrointestinal homeostasis, because I care so much about you, my single-celled, pre-mitosing readership, I also ordered not one but two desserts, the curry butterscotch pot de crème (with real scotch!) and the hand-wrapped banana spring rolls. While the latter were not at all special, I have since adopted a special skin care regimen which involves applying the combination of curry and scotch to the oral mucosa twice daily as needed. Did I mention the pot de crème included chocolate ganache? This I use for ordinary cuts and scrapes.

Here I am pictured holding my fork in the proper manner to politely indicate that you should go eat at the Red Door. I can't wait until a restaurant disappoints so I can grumpily spear the wait-staff!