Ichiban, Yo

Just as ultra-pretentious Jeffrey Steingarten loves a couple of low-brow foods, such as fun-sized Milky Ways, I love several of them (which makes me either way more or way less pretentious than he…tough call).  Among my favorite trailer park specials are Ichiban noodles, known generically as instant noodles or ramen.  Ramen noodles are made of cheap wheat flour and constitute the go-to reference for people who wish to a) represent how poor they were in college, or b) argue that an expense under consideration is outlandish and would necessitate a future economical sacrifice of great proportions.  Anecdotally, I can tell you the latter ramen-rhetoric is common among Vancouverites, all of whom can certainly afford a downtown condominium if they ate ramen noodles for the next 25 years.  But perhaps the best-documented example is from pop culture, when Sex and the City’s Charlotte pines after a $1300 piece of wedding china which fiancé Trey opines will look wonderful “underneath the ramen noodles we will be forced to eat.” (In this episode we learn that the character of Trey, a Park Avenue cardiologist with latent ED, has a flair for hyperbole.)

The filmmaker Michael Moore, in attempting to convince American college kids to vote in 2004, was criticized for giving away underpants, potato chips, and ramen noodles to students who signed up to be on the voters’ list.  The criticism heard from Republicans was that Moore was buying votes; I didn’t hear input from dieticians, but I imagine that any parallel second-guessing from their camp would have targeted the nutritional poverty and starch content of his treat choices (including the underpants, I guess, which presumably were new and unwashed).  Ramen noodles in particular are notoriously low in vitamins, minerals and fiber, high in fat and simple carbohydrate, and even higher in sodium.  In many ways, ramen are probably worse than potato chips, some varieties of which are available without salt, and which score a surprisingly low 55 on the Glycemic Index (compared to the baked potato’s scandalously elevated 93.  Who knew! Values are, of course, approximate and derived from the internet.)  Yet, unlike potato chips, ramen noodles at least have the potential to feel like dinner and curb snacking, especially if you add peas.  And you’re probably even less likely to add peas to your potato chips than you are to add them to your underpants. Go ramen.

As I said, one of my favorite blue-collar delights is Ichiban noodles, which is a specific brand of instant ramen.  I like all ramen noodles, but Ichiban, especially the chicken flavor, has the best taste and noodle texture.  (Okay, Ichiban actually has the second best taste and noodle texture, behind an obscure Chinese brand I’ve seen only at Superstore.  This brand comes with a clear plastic package of garlic oil and an aluminum flap of chili flakes.  I love this brand.  However, its portion size is slightly small, it is not widely available, and there is no video of it on YouTube.  Still, if I ever get to one of Vancouver’s remote Superstores, I’ll look for some for you.)

As you can see in this ancient commercial Ichiban's full name is Sapporo Ichiban.  As far as I know they are not associated with the light and refreshing Japanese beer Sapporo, though a pint might go well with the 2000 mg of sodium in a package of Ichiban.  (On that note, my first choice beverage for pairing with Ichiban is milk, my second choice, Coke.  But usually I feel so guilty for eating them I just have a glass of water, followed by six to eight more.)  Sapporo Ichiban is so delicious, they may make you fall off a fence, before or after they promote in you various nutritional deficiencies, so do not eat them too often.  As a general guideline, I suggest you eat them no more often than I do.  For your sake, thank goodness I am out of college.